What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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