why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
