im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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