You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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