East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
