My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
