I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
