i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
