thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
