Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
