roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
this will be a night to untag.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
