you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
