While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
