I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
