Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
