I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
