Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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