Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
