It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
