he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
