Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Your dad touched me again.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
