He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
