i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
