Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
