no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
