I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
