Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
