I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
