True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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