If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
