that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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