I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
