Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
