Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
