nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
