Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
