just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
