Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
