my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
