so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
