We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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