areolas are like halos for boobs.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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