No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
