Christians are straight up FREAKS
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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