i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
