worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
