i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
