Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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