hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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