More tranny stories later!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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