her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
