Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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