quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Threesome in a minivan. New low
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
