I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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